Welcome to the Sarasota Shitshow Circus
Want to learn about about the Sarasota County Real KVO Universe
In Sarasota County there are 5 commish seats. Commissioners are voted to 4 year terms with alternating election cycles. In 2026 Districts 2 & 4 will be up for election.
District 1 — A sprawling eastern district of rapid suburban expansion, master-planned communities, and “we swear this used to be cows” energy, stretching through Fruitville, Bee Ridge east, and the Sarasota County edge of the Lakewood Ranch growth machine.
Meet your District 1 commissh: Teressa Ass is Sarasota County’s ever-chipper “optics-first” commissioner archetype who treats governance like a floating press release—full of celebratory funding announcements, photo ops, and momentum that exists mostly in signage and ceremony.
District 2 (Up for election in 2026) —The urban and coastal heart of Sarasota County, including downtown Sarasota, barrier island influence zones, and the delicate balance between art galleries, tourism branding, and “why is parking $38.”
Meet your District 2 commissh: Mr. Smith is Sarasota County’s permanently congested “growth management diplomat” archetype who presents every zoning decision as seasonal illness—usually allergies—while repeatedly demonstrating a chronic, symptom-level dependence on developer proximity and approval reflexes. Across episodes, he’s essentially a walking case of “Rezoning Conjunctivitis,” where public service language, ribbon cuttings, and housing rhetoric mask a systemically irritated relationship with private development influence.
District 3 — Centered on Venice and its surrounding coastal communities, this district blends historic charm, retiree infrastructure planning, beach preservation debates, and the eternal question of “is this a turtle or a permitting issue?”
Meet your District 3 commissh: Uncle Tom is the calm, ex-sheriff turned commissioner who brings a rare sense of order to Sarasota politics, actually reading the agenda packet while everyone else argues about what they think is in it. He’s a steady, no-nonsense presence who treats county government less like a performance stage and more like a job that requires attention, restraint, and the occasional silent judgment of everyone else in the room.
District 4 (Up for election in 2026) — A blur zone of coastal wetlands, suburban sprawl pressure, and “we’re still technically rural” arguments that no longer match satellite imagery, stretching through Osprey, Nokomis, and the northern edge of south-county development pressure.
Meet your District 4 commissh: Dr. Joe is Sarasota County’s absurdly calm, deadpan “diagnostic truth machine” who treats every bizarre political, environmental, and civic crisis like a medical condition caused by overdevelopment and bad governance. He delivers blunt, pseudo-medical explanations that turn zoning decisions, political dysfunction, and public policy failures into literal physical syndromes—with just enough accuracy to make everyone in the room slightly uncomfortable.
District 5 — A fast-growing southern district anchored by North Port and surrounding expansion corridors, where new subdivisions appear faster than emergency road improvements can be scheduled and everyone agrees the word “capacity” is now purely theoretical.
Meet your District 5 commissh: Ronny Boy is a surreal, sermon-like narrator who treats Sarasota County planning and governance like a holy text of inevitability, where every decision is framed as destiny disguised as bureaucracy. He speaks in rhythmic “scriptures” that reveal how zoning, infrastructure, and public process repeat like moral parables—each one ending in the same quiet conclusion: the system changes nothing, but justifies everything.
#ramen
About the Sarasota County Spin-Offs
It's not a Medical Issue w/ Dr. Joe
Dr. Joe is a satirical medical talk-show set in a Florida clinic where every patient’s “condition” is actually a metaphor for local political dysfunction, overdevelopment, and civic absurdity. Across each episode, Dr. Joe diagnoses increasingly bizarre ailments—like zoning-induced “gerbils in the system,” stormwater trauma, moral outrage inflammation, and civic burnout—treating them as if they’re real medical cases while exposing the underlying chaos of county governance.
#ramen
Scripture & Zoning w/ Ronny Boy
Scripture and Zoning with Ronny Boy is a satirical, pseudo-religious broadcast that reframes Florida land-use politics as scripture, where each “Book” delivers prophetic parables about zoning decisions, development approvals, and bureaucratic rituals. Through Ronny Boy’s solemn sermon-style narration, everyday planning commission actions are elevated into darkly comedic moral texts—where wetlands become allegories, hearings become rituals of inevitability, and “process” itself becomes the central faith.
#ramen
Jerry & Pee Wee's Playhouse
Coming soon! The best show you never knew you needed to see.
#ramen
Commish Cribs
Commish Cribs is a satirical tour of local (Manatee & Sarasota) commissioners’ homes where luxury interiors, questionable decor choices, and “totally normal” taxpayer-adjacent lifestyles are showcased like a political version of a reality home show. Each of the 9 episodes turns into a roast of influence, development money, and civic self-importance, exposing how public service and private comfort blur into one long open-house for power.
#ramen
Pimp My Ride
Pimp My Ride is a satirical makeover show that takes place in Manatee and Sarasota Counties where beat-up, politically loaded vehicles driven by Florida power players are transformed into absurd “custom rides” packed with over-the-top gadgets that reflect corruption, influence, and developer-driven chaos. Each of the 8 episodes turns a new civic figure’s car into a rolling joke about rezoning, backroom deals, and public accountability; only now with louder engines, worse ethics, and way more unnecessary tech.
#ramen
