I want to be ninja
Ancient Wisdom. Modern Corruption. Served Fresh Daily.
Fortune Misguided is a fake Chinese takeout prophecy show where greasy fortune cookies, gas-station wisdom, and bathroom-wall proverbs expose Florida overdevelopment and political corruption. Every fortune comes with a translation and every translation smells like concrete. Airing from May 31st through August 18th.
Your Lucky Numbers Have Been Rezoned
Fortunes So Accurate They’ll Probably Be Preempted
- Fake fortune cookies. Real Florida corruption.
- Gov. Ron translates ancient Chinese wisdom into developer propaganda.
- Every proverb somehow ends with wetlands becoming condos.
- RD Wang’s serves orange chicken and political despair.
- SB 180 turns home rule into a fortune-cookie punchline.
- Buc-ee’s wrappers, urinal cakes, and gas-station bathrooms become sources of “wisdom.”
- Local politicians wander through scenes like confused mall mascots.
- Flooding, sewage, and lobbyists are recurring supporting characters.
- The fortunes are fake. The overdevelopment isn’t.
- Classic Real KVO energy: weird, loud, uncomfortable, and way too accurate.
#ramen
No and then
Proof is in the reviews
- “⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Food was incredible. My neighborhood flooded immediately after dessert.”
- “Best orange chicken in Florida. Worst comprehensive plan I’ve ever seen.”
- “The crab rangoons slapped harder than state preemption.”
- “Ordered the Wetland Wontons and somehow lost local control.”
- “Service was fast, efficient, and completely bypassed public comment.”
- “The fortune cookie told me my backyard was now mixed-use zoning.”
- “10/10. Left with leftovers and three new luxury condos behind my house.”
- “Their soy sauce has less sodium than Tallahassee politics.”
- “Atmosphere smelled like sesame oil and campaign contributions.”
- “I asked for extra rice and received an unsolicited rezoning variance.”
- “The General Tso’s came with flooding projections and a campaign flyer.”
- “Absolutely loved the decor — especially the bulldozer parked in the koi pond.”
- “One bite of the SB-180 Lo Mein and my HOA fees tripled.”
- “The waiter whispered, ‘home rule is temporary,’ then vanished into the kitchen.”
- “Authentic strip-mall energy with just a hint of environmental collapse.”
- “My fortune said ‘prepare for rising waters.’ Thought it was metaphorical.”
- “Food arrived quicker than a developer-approved zoning amendment.”
- “The bathroom wall had better policy ideas than county leadership.”
- “Crispy egg rolls, soggy infrastructure.”
- “Would absolutely eat here again once FEMA clears the parking lot.”
#ramen
